So my husband and I started to do the Love Dare book, and although we got lazy and kinda stopped, at least we started and we will finish, but I'm going to go ahead teach what the book taught. It's really an amazing book with alot of good points I really didn't think about! (and for the record; the book helped us alot).
Love is built on 2 pillars: Patience and Kindness
(All other characteristics are extensions of these two attributes)
Patience
"Love should make you a patient person, when you are patient you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm." When you have patience you allow your spouse to be human.
Kindness
Something I never knew was the kindness is an action. Patience and kindness are both acts. Patience is how love reACTS to minimize a negative situation, kindness is how love ACTS to maximize a positive situation.
The book says, "Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing. One is preventive, the other proactive. Love makes you kind. And kindness makes you likable."
*the breakdown of kindness: 1 gentleness 2 helpfulness 3 willingness 4 initiative
The word Love is the opposite of Selfishness. We are all selfish. "Almost every sinful act action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people yet justify in ourselves." The only way we can satisfy love to to act UN selfishly. You cannot love and be selfish at the same time.
*Do I truly want what's best for my husband or wife?
*Do I want them to feel loved by me?
*Do I believe I have their best interest in mind?
*Do they see me as looking out for myself first?
How many times to we do what we want and put the needs of our loved one behind us? I'm bad about this, I do this alot. I want a tattoo, Kyle hates them, I got 2 anyways. I didn't want to give up what I wanted to make him happy. It's been hard for being a young mom, first I had to give up the things I wanted for Bella, now I'm being told to give up my needs for Kyle. But really, being generous can make me even happier when I give it a chance.
Philippians 2:3 Do nothing from selfish or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves"
Love is not Rude.
*How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?
*How does your behavior affect your mate's sense of worth and self-esteem?
*Would your husband or wife say you're a blessing , or that you're condescending and embarassing?
I am pretty bad about this. I come home and gripe and complain about how bad my work day was, how much weight I've gained, etc. When I complain I'm being rude to Kyle. He doesn't want to hear how bad my day was, or how bad my life is, it just brings him down, puts everybody in a bad mood. "are you as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers? co-workers?"
two main reasons people are rude: selfishness and ignorance.
"The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is: love is not determined by one being loved but rather by one CHOOSING to love. The Bible refers to this kind of love by using the Greek word agape."
3 Types of Love:
*Phileo (friendship) - phileo and eros are responsive and can fluctuate depending on feelings
*Eros (sexual love)
*Agape - only true love- Unconditional love.
God's love is a choice. We don't deserve his love. We receive it from him and share it with others.
"We love because he first loved us" 1 John 4:19
*Do we base our love on circumstances or feelings or on commitment?
When you have agape love you will not say any more, "I love you because," rather "I love you, period."
Note: This is just a sample of this book, it really takes you on an amazing journey, discovering yourself with your spouse.Check it out! It's called The Love Dare.
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